‘God, I wish I had jury duty:’ Late-night TV hosts roast Trump over DC grand jury, local milk people – Washington Post

Late-night television hosts leaped on the news Thursday that special counsel Robert S. Mueller III had begun using a grand jury in Washington as part of his investigation into possible coordination between the Trump campaign and Russia.

The development is a sign that investigators continue to aggressively gather evidence in the case, The Post reported. For the late-night comedians, it was an opportunity.

Also Thursday, The Post published transcripts of phone conversations Trump held with foreign leaders a week after taking office. His conversation with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, which touched on the political problem of Trump’s vow to make Mexico pay for a proposed border wall, has left some Mexicans flabbergasted. The Jan. 28 call with Turnbull became particularly acrimonious, The Post’s Greg Miller reported.

Here are some of the highlights from the late-night shows.

Stephen Colbert on ‘The Late Show’

A longtime critic of the president, “The Late Show” host Stephen Colbert reveled in the news of the grand jury.

“I’m going to say something right now, that nobody has said before: God, I wish I had jury duty. I’m available.”

He also joked about the difficulty about finding unbiased people to serve on this jury.

“Ma’am have you ever heard of a man by the name of Donald Trump.

No, father never mentioned him in our cave-dwelling cult. May the shadows protect.”

Colbert went on to say the grand jury is a sign the investigation into Russian meddling doesn’t mean there will be a trial, but a strong indication something is going to happen.

“It’s like picking up a blind date and the first thing they say is hey I need some condoms, can we swing by the store? No reason, no reason.”

TONIGHT: Robert Mueller impanels a grand jury, and Stephen is here for it. pic.twitter.com/mbDgWeGFif

— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) August 4, 2017

Colbert then turned his attention toward the transcripts of Trump’s phone calls with the heads of Mexico and Australia.

Or as Trump refers to them, “bad hombrestan” and “koala lampur.”

He took particular interest in Trump’s comment about refugees in Australia whom the United States had agreed to vet and take. (Here’s what the ‘dumb deal’ on refugees with Australia actually says)

TRUMP: I hate taking these people. I guarantee you they are bad. That is why they are in prison right now. They are not going to be wonderful people who go on to work for the local milk people.

“Is that the name of a band,” Colbert mused.

“We are the local milk people! Thank you, Chicago!”

“Or are they a race of ‘Star Trek’ aliens? We are the milk people of creamolon five. May the curds be with you.”

The host added that for someone who talks constantly about representing the forgotten men and women, Trump can’t even remember the job “dairy farmer.”

“I care so much about the forgotten Americans. I will protect the small-town jobs of the milk people and the ‘underground-shoveling-electricity folks,’ and the ‘make-the-corn-not-be-on-the-plant-but-in-my-mouth guys!’ ”

Local milk people??? #LSSCpic.twitter.com/VrpXRmadtR

— The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) August 4, 2017

Jimmy Fallon on ‘The Tonight Show’

On “The Tonight Show,” Jimmy Fallon also made light of Trump’s reference of American dairy farmer “milk people.”

The “transcript from President Trumps phone call with Australian prime minister was just leaked. Yep. And people are talking about this. At one point, Trump referred to U.S. dairy farmers as local milk people.”

[ Laughter ] “Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses.”

“Trump is also being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire ‘a drug infested den.’ ” [ Light laughter ]

“New Hampshire says it’s furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname.”

Seth Meyer on ‘Late Night’

“Late Night” host Seth Meyer poked fun at Trump’s love of the grand.

“Trump’s probably excited because he thinks a grand jury is just a fancier jury,” Meyers said.

Imitating Trump’s voice, he added, “So beautiful, not like one of those dump juries. Beautiful gold 12 chandeliers.”

Seth takes #ACloserLook at Mueller’s investigation, Stephen Miller and
“the local milk people.” https://t.co/HtEqtJGCfd

— Late Night (@LateNightSeth) August 4, 2017

Meyers then jumped to news about the January conversation between Trump and Mexico’s president, focusing first on Trump’s statements about the proposed border wall.

TRUMP: So what I would like to recommend is — if we are going to have continued dialogue — we will work out the wall. They are going to say, “who is going to pay for the wall, Mr. President?” to both of us, and we should both say, “we will work it out.” It will work out in the formula somehow.

As opposed to you saying, “we will not pay” and me saying, “we will not pay.”

Meyers compared this to friends returning from a bachelor party.

“We can not say we went to a strip club. Your wife will ask and my wife will ask, and it’s best if we just say we had some steak and went to bed early. But this only works if we both do it!”

Talking about Trump’s election victory, talking about himself in the third person.

TRUMP: In Ohio, they are having rallies for Trump right now because Trump has taken a hard stance on Mexico. We lost a lot of factories in Ohio and Michigan and I won these states — some of these states have not been won in 38 years by a Republican and I won them very easily. So they are dancing in the streets. You probably have the same thing where they are dancing in your streets also, but in reverse.

“Trump sounds like he learned his facts about other countries in a children’s books.”

Employing his Trump voice again, Meyers said, “Did you know in Mexico they dance backwards? They walk on their hands and they wear their shoes on their heads.”

He then noted that Trump called New Hampshire “a drug-infested den.”

Feigning annoyance, Meyers remonstrated the president.

“Don’t call it a drug-infested den. It’s New England: call it a drug-infested inn.”

Trevor Noah on ‘The Daily Show’

The host of “The Daily Show” turned to an infamous video from the archive to serve as the punchline for a joke about Trump and the grand jury.

“We have live footage of Donald Trump right now,” Trevor Noah said, as the show cuts to a scene of the O.J. Simpson White Bronco chase.

Then he pondered how difficult a getaway for Trump would be.

“If they find out that Trump did commit a crime, he is the one American who can’t escape to Mexico.”

“I just picture him now driving,” he said, then switching into Trump voice, “We just get over the border and then we start a completely new life, God damn it who built this big beautiful wall, God damn.”

Tonight at 11/10c, Trevor reacts to the news of Robert Mueller’s investigation growing deeper. pic.twitter.com/64DSxABLu4

— The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) August 4, 2017

Read more:

‘This deal will make me look terrible’: Full transcripts of Trump’s calls with Mexico and Australia

Mexicans react to transcript of Trump call with their president

Secret Service vacates Trump Tower command post in lease dispute with president’s company

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

Powered by WPeMatico

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *